Post-Treatment Thoughts

Last Friday 20th March 2015, after 6 cycles of chemotherapy and 17 sessions of radiotherapy, I'm finally done with treatment!!! WOOHOOO. The road to recovery the past 6 months has been tough, but God has gifted me with so many graces to travel this road. Thank you all for soldiering on with me — the visits, prayers, well wishes, kind words of encouragement... they mean a lot! 

Can't believe these 6 months have gone on by so quickly. Not complaining though, just feeling very blessed. This journey has taught me many things, and I thought it'll be nice to share with you guys.

Health is wealth

Growing up, I was always involved in sports — netball, in particular. I've been playing netball competitively, representing my schools since I was 13. In primary school, I was a lazy bum. But a smart one, because I found out that I could list 'piano' as my CCA teehee... so I didn't have to go for any CCA practices etc and could spend more time watching tv at home. But I still liked running, so I was a runner for my House and participated during Sports Day every year. I remember winning my first gold medal in P3 at my first event, and actually slept with it around my neck because I refused to take it off (lol what was I thinking). 

I'm bringing all these up to show that I wasn't the most unhealthy person — yes, I eat McDonalds occasionally (side note: think I'm never gonna have macs again crai), but I exercised regularly too! Especially during netball days, no way was I unfit and unhealthy then. Ok, I admit that I stopped exercising regularly when I graduated, but at least I was still loving my fruits and vegetables?

Truth is, no one expected me to get cancer. Not now, not when I'm 22 and at the start of my career. 

It is so important to treat your body right. I can't emphasize how important it is to eat right — I'm not saying to convert to a vegetarian/stop eating sugar etc but moderation is definitely key. Being young doesn't mean the body is insusceptible to illnesses! Cancer doesn't only happen to old people. Apparently my kind of lymphoma happens mostly in young women... who would have known?! 

Like me, many young people take their health for granted. Not because we don't care... I guess it just doesn't strike us? We assume that our youth equates to health, and then it just disappears in our list of priorities. But we forget that without health, we can neither pursue our paper chase for qualifications, nor climb up that esteemed career ladder. 

"Smile, and you'd have won half the battle"

I am very touched by the comments which say that I've been strong, brave and positive... I really appreciate them — thank you for taking time to write to me, and for keeping me in your prayers. Honestly, what keeps me going is the faith that with God's grace, I will completely recover. Also, I draw my strength from the people around me (especially my family, and my close friends). I wouldn't have done it without them. They have supported me through everything. My parents would visit me twice a day when I was warded, giving me home-cooked lunch and dinner lovingly made by my grandma so that I didn't need to eat hospital meals. I am so blessed to be at the receiving end of such great love.

During my hospital stays, I've always had wonderful roomies (haha) to accompany me. Even though they may be three to four times my age, I enjoyed all our conversations. I believe that God placed these individuals there with a purpose — to keep me company, and make me laugh and be touched by their stories. During the period when I was just diagnosed, one elderly lady in the next bed asked me why I was there, and I started tearing when I shared my story. She then said something which resonated in me until today — "Girl ah... smile, and you'd have won half the battle". 

You can face anything, just do it afraid

I thought long and hard before posting up the photo of me and my baby-hair head. I decided to go ahead with it, because I wanted to show that there is nothing wrong with having less hair. Yes, I cried so much when I shaved it all off. But then I remembered that I wasn't alone. Thousands of other women have shaved their heads to fight hair loss, a distressing side-effect of chemotherapy. I can only wish that I am brave enough to leave out the wig when I'm out. 

I've also read about some women in the US who try to prevent hair loss by using ice caps during chemotherapy. Apparently by reducing blood flow to the scalp, this limits chemotherapy exposure to hair follicles. The thing is, it hurts like mad?!! Imagine having a block of ice on your head 24/7. But by doing this, there is also a concern that this reduces the effectiveness of treatment in that area. If you ask me to choose, I'd rather have my head shaved than all the other nasty side-effects of chemotherapy like vomiting. 

Anyway, I also learnt about the importance of eyebrows and eyelashes... They are SO important to a face's structure omg. The photo that I posted above is considered the 'nicer' version. So here's me, with a few tiny strands of eyebrows, and zero eyelashes. And a shiny bald head. (At least the flush from the drugs gave my face abit of colour haha)

I'll be recuperating at home for the next couple of weeks. I'll update whenever I can! Today, Singapore lost our founding father Mr Lee Kuan Yew. He was a great man who built Singapore, a place I proudly call Home. May he always be remembered. Rest in peace!

Hello 2015!

Have been pretty busy the past week — celebrating Christmas and New Year's, and even catching up with my ACJC classmates, as well as Clare & Faith. It has been a while since I have went out with friends, so I was abit apprehensive at first (what if my heart rate goes up? what if it's too crowded?)... But I'm glad I did! Always great to spend time with friends that I hold dearly to my heart. On another happy note, Joel is home from his exchange in Copenhagen!!! 

2014 was a rollercoaster ride for me — I graduated with a BA in Sociology, went on an ultimate grad trip to Korea, Cambodia and Europe, started work at a PR firm... but it was also the year that I was diagnosed with lymphoma. It was unexpected, shocking, and a blow to what I deem as my smooth-sailing life. Rather than a 'battle', I would like to call the past 4 months a learning journey. Looking back, I've so much to be thankful for. There has been progress in my treatment, and I'll be ending my last chemotherapy the following week (probably 13th Jan!). A great start to the new year!

I don't know what 2015 holds, but that's what's exciting isn't it? That way, we'll make the most out of it.

Happy New Year!

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Here are some happy food photos to end 2014:

Our Christmas roasted duck stuffed with orange turned out pretty awesome!

Linguini with mackerel at Spathe Public House 

Spaghetti in organic tomato sauce, with spinach and feta cheese at Real Food (Clarke Quay)

Strawberry cheesecake for New Year's Eve

The Budwig Diet

Based on the information from here:

The Budwig Diet is also known as the Cottage Cheese & Flaxseed Oil Diet created by Dr Budwig  — purported to be an alternative treatment for cancer and other chronic disease. A mix of these two ingredients is one component of a protocol involving additional types of alternative therapy, and generally avoiding conventional treatment such as chemotherapy and radiation.

Budwig said that the blood of cancer patients was deficient in some essential components, including phosphatides and lipoproteins. This affects the proper balance between the electrically negative cell membranes and the electrically positive nutrients, causing stagnated healthy cell growth. A balance could be restored through diet over three months, resulting in better health.

Eating a specific mix of cottage cheese and flaxseed oil is said to help resolve stagnated healthy cell growth and cause tumors to dissolve. This is due to the essential electron-rich unsaturated fats in flaxseed oil and the sulfur protein of cottage cheese. The chemical reaction between these two makes the oil soluble in water, so it can permeate cell membranes and produce healing effects.

To make the cottage cheese and flaxseed oil combination, I use the immersion blender to blend 2 or 4 tbsp. of cottage cheese to 1 or 2 tbsp. of oil. To make it more palatable, I will add fruits, chia seeds etc as seen in the photo above. That one has strawberries, chia seeds and lime zest (extras from my key lime tart).  

I have been having this 'diet' multiple times a week — not sure if it works because I'm under chemotherapy as well; whereas those under this strict diet are usually patients who are seeking alternative therapy. In any case, I hope eating this will be a supplement!

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In other news, yesterday I was getting out of the car at Eastpoint Mall... when my heart palpitations came back again :'( CRAI. Spent almost 30 mins sitting at Tori Q in the basement instead of exploring the newly renovated mall. Tried my best coughing hard to get my heart back on track but to no avail. When I got home, my heart rate was around 146. Lay on my bed and didn't move an inch cuz I was afraid my heart rate will go up (dinner in bed!). My mom managed to contact Dr Eric, and he asked me to take an extra dose of my heart medication. Past 10pm, my heart rate finally slowed to 100+, I think it's due to the combination of both the medication and the effect of blowing the syringe (the cardiologists taught me this method to reverse my fast heart rate). 

Well, at least it went down and saved us a trip to the ER where I would have been kept for at least a night. So thankful. 

Chemotherapy Round 4

Happy December everyone! I just got admitted for my 4th cycle of chemotherapy on the 1st, and just started the first round of drugs today. It usually takes a day for them to prepare the drugs. I've been trying to rush them... but I learnt that alot of people are involved in the process — the doctor will first calculate the concentration of the drugs from my height, weight, and BODY SURFACE AREA (which is 1.6 m2 btw lol), and then fax it over to the pharmacy lab to prepare the drugs, and which they will finally send it over to the ward when they are done. So I guess I can understand why they take so long every time!

For the next chemotherapy cycle, I am really hoping that it won't clash with christmas or new year's. Dr Lim says he'll try his best to push it forward so that it will end just before christmas but this will only happen IF my blood counts rise up in time after this 4th round... or there's a back up plan of coming in on boxing day, and going home on new year's eve. Don't wanna be in hospital on neither occasions, that'll be a major mood dampener but I know health comes first, so fingers crossed!

Anyway, here's some mid-week organic pasta cheer! Salmon (marinated with terriyaki sauce) with aglio olio, handmade chia meatballs (really proud of this one — second time making this, and the chia seeds make the meatballs so moist!) with tomato pesto fusilli, and a ~fusion~ miso salmon with miso pasta haha #domesticated

"What do you do in your free time?"

I hardly leave the house nowadays because it's important that I stay away from crowded places as my immune system is down and I don't wanna get sick. Anyway I'm the kind that normally loves staying home all day long so it doesn't really matter... I know some people feel 'trapped' in their own home but not me!! I love my home! To get fresh air, I'll stand at the balcony for some sunlight (vitamin D!) and enjoy the pool view. Lol when I typed that out it sounds quite sad... But it really isn't!

I used to take walks downstairs by the pool but I'm trying to avoid any activity that will make my heart pump faster. I don't want it to start racing again because I don't wanna head back to the hospital anytime soon! My 3rd cycle of chemo starts this coming Monday, and I'll be in hospital till the next weekend so it's best that I don't check myself in any earlier. (Sidetrack: my heart rate decided to go up to 160 one day after I returned home from hospital on Tuesday. Thank god it went down after I took the medication!)

Anyway... I've been getting this a lot — "What do you do in your free time?"

Well, it's true — I have LOADS of free time on my hands now. Most of the time I'm sleeping, and eating... definitely my kind of recuperation. 

Before I started chemotherapy I was talking to Joel about it, there are so many exciting things that I could do to keep myself busy these few months that I'm off work (and also to keep those brain cells working) — continue learning French, do online courses that will up my PR game, equipping myself with new skills (e.g. art, photoshop, Microsoft excel) etc.

But when I really got home after my first round of chemotherapy... I was feeling so lethargic and simply nua. I decided that these few months I only needed to do one thing — rest well!! But during the past few weeks I realized that "hey, baking is actually quite fun and therapeutic ah". So... that's my new skill. #domesticated

So far my first attempts have been successful - except for flourless peanut butter choc chip cookies. Not sure why the cookie refused to stick together?! Like the peanut butter continued to crumble :( perhaps I was abit too excited and scooped too much peanut butter. 

But yes, for someone who NEVER steps into the kitchen (except to grab food to eat)... I must say I have leveled up!! The recipes I've used are generally fuss-free and do not need a lot of equipment/utensils (post-baking, i.e. cleaning, ughh). I'd be more than glad to share, just let me know :)

Strawberry muffins

Matcha Chia Pudding, topped with cranberries

Cinnamon Sugar Popovers

Matcha White Chocolate Chip Cookies

Molten  chocolate lava cake! 
Used the airfryer to make this and it surprisingly turned out great.

Milk-boiled Corn on the Cob

I only step into the kitchen... to savage for food to eat. So when I do attempt to cook something, it has to be really easy, and fuss-free — just so that I won't burn down the kitchen.

Adapted from the recipe here:

Milk-boiled Corn on the Cob (1 serving)

1 ear of corn, husks and silk removed

Water

1 cup of milk

20g brown sugar

1 tablespoon of butter

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Fill a stock pot half full with water (use a large enough pot to hold the corn, because I used one that wasn't... and I had to cut the corn into half *shakes head*). Add in the milk, sugar and butter. Bring to a boil, then add in the corn cob. Reduce heat to a simmer and allow corn to cook for 7-8 minutes, or until just tender. Serve with an extra coating of butter (optional, but I preferred it that way).

*Perhaps, I will put it into the oven after all of the above steps to grill it for awhile to get the charred taste. Think that will be even better!