"I don't have the best news..."

My doctor came into the room this morning and shared with me that my irregular heart beats returned at midnight. My second ablation procedure wasn't successful after all.

I felt sad, frustrated, fearful, nervous... It was the second time for the procedure, a re-do; it was supposed to be a success. Was this second ablation for nothing?

Prof Tan sat down by my bedside and took time to explain everything clearly, going through the different considerations he had to take.

1. Difficulty of the procedure

- Extra pathways (at birth) can be found at different parts of the heart, and mine happens to be at a relatively tricky position

- What makes it even harder is that my heart continues to beat/move as the doctor tries to aim the catheter at the extra pathway; the doctor has to make sure that the powered catheter doesn't hit the good parts of the heart (which can cause even more riskier complications)

2. Minimal level of risk

- Taking into account the above difficulties, Prof Tan did his best to damage my extra pathway at the least level of risk

- He could have powered the catheters at a higher amount of watts, but the trade-off was that he'll be doing it at higher risks (eg burning a hole in my heart), which would have dire consequences in terms of complications... And Prof Tan was not willing to do that "to a young heart"

3. Two options, moving forward

a) Going for a third ablation- which he advised against, due to the above reasons

b) Continue with my medicine, and hopefully with given time, the function of my heart will improve. Another plus point to consider is that the damages from the two ablations would have gotten rid of the palpitations completely (an earlier problem which I had during chemotherapy)

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In essence, the ablation was to improve my lower than average function of the heart (measured by LVEF). This could have been caused by my Wolffe-Parkinson-White syndrome, and/or the negative impacts of chemotherapy. We went ahead with the procedure, thinking it would at least eliminate one of the reasons for my low heart function.

But my extra pathway has been so stubborn- even with two ablation procedures, it just did not budge (and even if it did, it was only for a few hours). With it being so stubborn, as well as the addition of the increased risks in getting it ablated the third time... we decided against it. We would be patient, and I would continue to take my medicine and we'll see how it goes.

Prof Tan said that he had a patient who took 2 years to increase her heart function (and hers was really bad, at around 10%; they even considered doing a heart transplant). Mine's hovering around 40-45%, while the normal range is from 50-60%. It's just a bit more to go!

It is not the best news after everything, but God is still good. With no more palpitations, and with more time- I have faith that my heart will be strong again.

One year on

Today marks my first "anniversary"- can't believe it has already been a year since I was first admitted to the hospital. 

There are times when I'll randomly scroll through the posts of this blog, re-playing the different experiences in my mind. I know that they may not all be the happiest, and most of the time I end up tearing- but they do remind me to stay strong, stay hopeful, and to always have faith. I have been so blessed with the love and support of my family and the people around me. 

I'd also like to update that my heart ablation on Thursday wasn't as successful as we have hoped it to be... But at least there are no complications for now and my palpitations are most likely gone. More about that another day. 

13 September 2015: One thing's for sure- I'll never let any disease or illness rob me of my joy, because I've learnt that no matter how small, there's always something to be thankful for. 

Updates for the past 3 months

For those who have asked how I've been the past three months — I'm good! Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts and prayer. 

Also, many have been asking whether there's any more cancer left... Honestly, the doctors haven't explicitly told me that they're gone, but based on the CT scan that I did in June, cell activity has went down (generally cancer cells are crazy active). However, there's still some scar tissue left, which may or may not go away at all. As long as there are no cancer cells and it's just mass left, it's a good sign that I'm on my way to becoming a lymphoma survivor.

However, my heart function hasn't improved the way the doctors had hoped for. My extra accessory pathway (my pre-existing condition) seemed to have hindered my heart's recovery. Also, more problems such as a premature heartbeat and a below than average LVEF have surfaced recently. The doctor gave me two options to consider — to go for a heart ablation (strongly advised), or to continue my medication to try to boost the recovery. 

I have taken the doctor's advice, and would be going ahead for the heart ablation. I don't want to be stuck playing the waiting game again (waiting a few months, going for a scan to check if the medication works...) I kinda have the feeling that I'll ultimately need to go for the ablation anyway. Might as well be now right- to get to the root of it and get rid of it once and for all. The procedure is scheduled to be on 10 September. It is pretty soon, and I think I'm rather prepared. I've done the ablation before, during the period between my first and second chemotherapy. I am less nervous because I know what's going to happen during the procedure, and I believe that this ablation will help my heart heal, and hopefully be strong again.

P.S. My hair has grown... ALOT. Waiting for my hairdresser to be back in Singapore (he's back in Malaysia for awhile) to give it a nice trim and it'll be ready for the world!

Chemotherapy Round 3

I'm almost midway through!! In terms of both this cycle, and for all 6 cycles as well. I think my body is getting more used to the chemotherapy drugs because I have been coping pretty well. 

Plus, even more great news- Dr Eric (my cardiologist) came by the other day and said that my ECG this week didn't show anymore irregular heartbeats! Previously one day after the surgery it came back, but apparently that's because the heart is in the "healing process". Hopefully these irregular heartbeats will be gone forever!! But he mentioned that they'll only be able to confirm it after a few months when everything stabilizes. 

On a sidenote, the oncology team who visited me this morning told me that there's another girl (in her late 20s) who just got admitted in the next room with a similar condition as me. She just came over, and I was glad to be able to share my experiences. I hope I managed to make her feel more at ease - it's always comforting to know that you're not alone... I pray that she'll have a smooth recovery too!

Only time will tell

I've been back home resting since Thursday — so glad the doctors allowed me to return home for the weekend before  heading back on Sunday to get ready for my 3rd round of chemotherapy starting Monday. 

As mentioned in the previous post, I underwent cardiac ablation on Wednesday morning. It usually takes 1 hour, but for my case they took almost 3 hours. The cardiac doctors say my case is unique — those who have Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome usually have their extra electrical pathway on the left side of the heart; mine's on the right. And for these people, theirs will be found at the bottom; mine was found at the top area. Doctors wouldn't know exactly where the extra pathway is until during surgery, that's why my procedure took so long. My doctor said they had to "look high and low for it" haha. 

With local anesthetic, they inserted three ablation catheters through my groin area, and these are guided to my heart through the blood vessel. From the tip of these catheters, radio waves produce heat to destroy the heart tissue (i.e. my extra pathway). They also gave me sedation... twice. Sedation was meant to make me drowsy, but not enough to sleep. I felt that it didn't really work?! Thought I was awake 98% of the time. It was quite entertaining actually.

Surgeon: "Standby... eh standby, did you guys hear me? Can y'all focus please"

Surgeon: "30 watts... 35 watts... 40 watts... Hold. 20 seconds... Ok stop!"

When the electric current was introduced, thank god there wasn't any pain. But for 40 watts, there was a slight metallic taste in my mouth? Anyway towards the end, they gave me some drug that tingled my entire body and made my face flush. I was like, "What did you guys give me! Am I supposed to feel hot!!" 

And my doctor simply smiled and replied, "A sprinkle of magic dust".

Post-op, they took my ECG and it was, for the first time in my life, normal. No extra long lines means no more extra pathway! Woohooo success! Just had a pressure bandage wrapped around my groin and leg. 

BUT...  I was greeted with not-so-good news the next morning. ECG taken again showed that my irregular heart beats came back :'( My heart really sank. But Dr Eric remains hopeful... during the ablation, the amount of watts they applied were minimal — enough to scar the pathway, but I guess not enough to get rid of it entirely. Hopefully my heart will be smart and try to use the main pathway more since this extra one is slightly damaged, this way I think I'll have less palpitations/fast heart rates?

For now, it's a wait-and-see approach. We'll need to see how it reacts when the chemotherapy drugs are introduced next week. Gotta have faith!

Happy news and a change of plans

Happy news

The PET scan results are out, and I was so happy to hear that after 2 chemotherapy cycles, the tumour has shrunk by half!!! *\o/* (cheerleader emoji)

It used to be 13.5cm by 8cm, and now it's 6.5cm by 3.5cm. 13.5cm is MASSIVE I didn't even know?! 

Also, the level of activity of the cancer cells has gone down by 70%.

It's great that my body is receiving treatment well. Can't wait to get rid of these nasty ugh things!!! 

Change of plans

Yesterday evening when I was just about to check into hospital, my heart started racing again at dinner and instead of going to the admissions office, I ended up at A&E. 

Tomorrow I'll be going for ablation, a minor surgery to remove my extra electrical pathway in my heart. My 3rd chemotherapy cycle will be postponed to next week instead. This was really sudden and only decided this evening. At first we thought of only having this procedure done next year when I was done with chemotherapy, but the cardiologist team and my oncology doctors were getting worried about the recurring episodes of my palpitations and high heart rate... And my parents and I agree that this is the best option at this point in time. The pattern so far is that with each chemotherapy cycle, my palpitations get worse :( A worst case scenario is when an emergency ablation is needed during chemotherapy. 

The cardiologist said that this procedure has a 85-90% chance of success. But there's also a 1% risk of burning the main pathway, or even causing a hole in my heart... Which is TERRIBLE. But I trust God to be guiding the hands of the two senior consultants tomorrow.

Cardiac ablation is a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing your heart rhythm problems. This can prevent the abnormal electrical signals or rhythms from moving through the heart. During the procedure, small wires called electrodes are placed inside your heart to measure your heart's electrical activity. These electrodes may also be used to destroy the bad areas of your heart.