Running for...

I hardly realised that it's been almost 5 months since I updated this space! Thank you all who have dropped me messages along the way to check on me, I appreciate it. My family and I joined Run for Hope 2016 this year, it was our first run together. We ran for... faith, strength, more courage, all of us, and for YOU.

2016 has been a good year so far, and I hope it has been for you too. I spent New Year's in Japan, and it was wonderful. It feels good to be travelling again, and it's always nice to take a break once in a while. 

On 5 Feb, I went for a CT scan — it was almost a year since my last scan, hence the results for this scan will give the doctors a good sense of whether my health is on the right track. Due to CNY and some work commitments, I only managed to receive the scan results on Tuesday (23 Feb). Actually I kinda had a good feeling about it, cuz I'm sure the doctors won't wait 2 weeks to tell you bad news right? But of course, didn't want to think too much into it so I kept myself busy.

Tuesday came along... and it was the best news I've heard in awhile. Dr Lim ST said I'm in remission!!! Doctors haven't used that word on my case before, so it was a big step forward for me. A sweet victory! Joel and my mom were there with me and we were all so happy!

I believe that all patients work and pray towards having to hear this 'r' word post-treatment. It's been more than a year since I ended chemotherapy/started radiotherapy, and life has gone on. Honestly, most of the time nowadays I forget that I was sick... but on the days when I remember, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have been able to push through.

Now that there's remission, we'll be working towards full remission in a few years — one step at a time. Let's do this!

One year on

Today marks my first "anniversary"- can't believe it has already been a year since I was first admitted to the hospital. 

There are times when I'll randomly scroll through the posts of this blog, re-playing the different experiences in my mind. I know that they may not all be the happiest, and most of the time I end up tearing- but they do remind me to stay strong, stay hopeful, and to always have faith. I have been so blessed with the love and support of my family and the people around me. 

I'd also like to update that my heart ablation on Thursday wasn't as successful as we have hoped it to be... But at least there are no complications for now and my palpitations are most likely gone. More about that another day. 

13 September 2015: One thing's for sure- I'll never let any disease or illness rob me of my joy, because I've learnt that no matter how small, there's always something to be thankful for. 

Updates for the past 3 months

For those who have asked how I've been the past three months — I'm good! Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts and prayer. 

Also, many have been asking whether there's any more cancer left... Honestly, the doctors haven't explicitly told me that they're gone, but based on the CT scan that I did in June, cell activity has went down (generally cancer cells are crazy active). However, there's still some scar tissue left, which may or may not go away at all. As long as there are no cancer cells and it's just mass left, it's a good sign that I'm on my way to becoming a lymphoma survivor.

However, my heart function hasn't improved the way the doctors had hoped for. My extra accessory pathway (my pre-existing condition) seemed to have hindered my heart's recovery. Also, more problems such as a premature heartbeat and a below than average LVEF have surfaced recently. The doctor gave me two options to consider — to go for a heart ablation (strongly advised), or to continue my medication to try to boost the recovery. 

I have taken the doctor's advice, and would be going ahead for the heart ablation. I don't want to be stuck playing the waiting game again (waiting a few months, going for a scan to check if the medication works...) I kinda have the feeling that I'll ultimately need to go for the ablation anyway. Might as well be now right- to get to the root of it and get rid of it once and for all. The procedure is scheduled to be on 10 September. It is pretty soon, and I think I'm rather prepared. I've done the ablation before, during the period between my first and second chemotherapy. I am less nervous because I know what's going to happen during the procedure, and I believe that this ablation will help my heart heal, and hopefully be strong again.

P.S. My hair has grown... ALOT. Waiting for my hairdresser to be back in Singapore (he's back in Malaysia for awhile) to give it a nice trim and it'll be ready for the world!

TCM & Essential Oils

Both TCM and essential oils are regarded as "alternative treatments" that many people turn to, in addition to their main treatment of chemotherapy/radiotherapy. 

I started TCM right after I ended radiotherapy at a charity-run clinic. It was very affordable, but after a month's worth of treatment, we realized that perhaps this clinic wasn't meant for me. Firstly, I didn't know what was going into my Chinese medicine (e.g. the ingredients of the herbs being used were not listed). Also, because of the lower cost, the herbs being used may not suited for my complex condition (lymphoma, heart...). I'm not saying that this clinic is dodgy- I'm sure it may be useful for more physical conditions such as backaches and sprains- but just not for me. 

Almost two weeks ago I started another TCM treatment at Bao Zhong Tang. It used to be at SGH, but is now located at Novena Medical Suites. My physician is Dr Sun, and she specializes in cancer treatment. I read that her patients come in during chemotherapy itself- such that TCM helps to reduce the negative side effects. I guess I was too focused on getting through chemotherapy... but better late than never! I must say they are very professional, and promise that the herbs they use are of premium quality. 

After my consultation, I'll have to wait a few hours for the medicine to be ready. You can either choose for it to be pre-cooked and packed in plastic satchets, or cook the herbs on your own at home. I actually considered this but after they explained the very tedious process of cooking it over two hours with loads of steps in between, I chose the convenient option for an extra $15/week's worth of herbs.

The medicine I'm on now has the primary purpose of detoxing my body. I heard that chemotherapy drugs can linger on for MONTHS. I have to drink it twice a day. This entire treatment will be long term (like all other TCM), and Dr Sun expects this to last for 1-2 years. Over the course of treatment it'll slowly drop to once a day, and the herbs used will be adjusted as well.

Separately, I've been using Young Living essential oils for almost everything. Minor ailments such as sore throat, to help aid digestion, hair growth... It is all natural and free from steroids/chemicals so that's always good. But the best part is that it is of therapeutic grade- it is safe enough to put directly on my skin and even into my water to drink.

Overall, my parents were hoping for a holistic treatment for me. Sometimes we'll have to look into various sources for healing. Everyone is different, so hopefully these alternative ways of treatment will help make up, boost and strengthen what has been lost (from both chemotherapy and radiotherapy). Results are not instantaneous, but we are patient and I'll continue to have faith, hope and strength.

Get that body movin'!

Hello! These two months after my radiotherapy treatment have been a great period of recuperation for me. I've been coping well and trying to get back my normal pace of life- going out to eat and meeting friends... My stamina has improved tremendously too (from 2 rounds around the pool after my first chemotherapy to the up and down orchard road now wahhaha)! 

Will be sharing about exercise today. Sorry boring topic... But a very important part of my recuperation nonetheless.

The other day on TV I saw that the optimum amount is 30 mins/day to keep the heart pumping well and the rest of the body healthy. 

Since chemotherapy began, I've been doing really light exercises to try to boost my stamina. It is more emotionally draining than it is physically, when I couldn't walk for long without resting and feeling exhausted. Yes, of course it's alright and normal for a cancer patient (or anyone ill for that matter) to be this way. But with my pride (haha), I just don't like to feel weak! I refuse to let my body succumb to the effects of being ill!! *inserts muscle emoji* But of course I know my limits and I will rest if I get too tired. 

However, the amazing thing of the human body is its adaptability. The body will fight for you, but you gotta help it along. The best way will be to... EXERCISE. It gets the blood and oxygen going, the heart pumping, which in turn pushes your other important organs to continue working through the recovery. 

During my rest days after chemotherapy at home, I started off with stairs- walking, running, and the skip-a-step climb x10. After chemotherapy, I started on these really fun and useful fitness videos on YouTube. And the best part? ONLY 10 MINS! You may wanna check the video out here, the host Keaira LaShae is hilarious!

On one of the days after radiotherapy ended, Joel suggested, "why don't you try swimming?" I was apprehensive at first because, "hello?? My hair how?" And then my problem was solved because... thank you swim caps!! Lo and behold, when I was in the pool I realize 5 other women were wearing swim caps too! I jokingly told Joel, "WAH, I started a fashion trend." Ok side-tracking here, but my hair has grown alot!!!! It actually gets messy now and I need to comb it lol

Anyway, these couple of weeks I swim 10 laps straight. Do I get a whoopwhoop? Feels great to get the body moving and active again. This is very important because I'll be starting work next month in June! Has it been 8 months already? Wish me luck!

Post-Treatment Thoughts

Last Friday 20th March 2015, after 6 cycles of chemotherapy and 17 sessions of radiotherapy, I'm finally done with treatment!!! WOOHOOO. The road to recovery the past 6 months has been tough, but God has gifted me with so many graces to travel this road. Thank you all for soldiering on with me — the visits, prayers, well wishes, kind words of encouragement... they mean a lot! 

Can't believe these 6 months have gone on by so quickly. Not complaining though, just feeling very blessed. This journey has taught me many things, and I thought it'll be nice to share with you guys.

Health is wealth

Growing up, I was always involved in sports — netball, in particular. I've been playing netball competitively, representing my schools since I was 13. In primary school, I was a lazy bum. But a smart one, because I found out that I could list 'piano' as my CCA teehee... so I didn't have to go for any CCA practices etc and could spend more time watching tv at home. But I still liked running, so I was a runner for my House and participated during Sports Day every year. I remember winning my first gold medal in P3 at my first event, and actually slept with it around my neck because I refused to take it off (lol what was I thinking). 

I'm bringing all these up to show that I wasn't the most unhealthy person — yes, I eat McDonalds occasionally (side note: think I'm never gonna have macs again crai), but I exercised regularly too! Especially during netball days, no way was I unfit and unhealthy then. Ok, I admit that I stopped exercising regularly when I graduated, but at least I was still loving my fruits and vegetables?

Truth is, no one expected me to get cancer. Not now, not when I'm 22 and at the start of my career. 

It is so important to treat your body right. I can't emphasize how important it is to eat right — I'm not saying to convert to a vegetarian/stop eating sugar etc but moderation is definitely key. Being young doesn't mean the body is insusceptible to illnesses! Cancer doesn't only happen to old people. Apparently my kind of lymphoma happens mostly in young women... who would have known?! 

Like me, many young people take their health for granted. Not because we don't care... I guess it just doesn't strike us? We assume that our youth equates to health, and then it just disappears in our list of priorities. But we forget that without health, we can neither pursue our paper chase for qualifications, nor climb up that esteemed career ladder. 

"Smile, and you'd have won half the battle"

I am very touched by the comments which say that I've been strong, brave and positive... I really appreciate them — thank you for taking time to write to me, and for keeping me in your prayers. Honestly, what keeps me going is the faith that with God's grace, I will completely recover. Also, I draw my strength from the people around me (especially my family, and my close friends). I wouldn't have done it without them. They have supported me through everything. My parents would visit me twice a day when I was warded, giving me home-cooked lunch and dinner lovingly made by my grandma so that I didn't need to eat hospital meals. I am so blessed to be at the receiving end of such great love.

During my hospital stays, I've always had wonderful roomies (haha) to accompany me. Even though they may be three to four times my age, I enjoyed all our conversations. I believe that God placed these individuals there with a purpose — to keep me company, and make me laugh and be touched by their stories. During the period when I was just diagnosed, one elderly lady in the next bed asked me why I was there, and I started tearing when I shared my story. She then said something which resonated in me until today — "Girl ah... smile, and you'd have won half the battle". 

You can face anything, just do it afraid

I thought long and hard before posting up the photo of me and my baby-hair head. I decided to go ahead with it, because I wanted to show that there is nothing wrong with having less hair. Yes, I cried so much when I shaved it all off. But then I remembered that I wasn't alone. Thousands of other women have shaved their heads to fight hair loss, a distressing side-effect of chemotherapy. I can only wish that I am brave enough to leave out the wig when I'm out. 

I've also read about some women in the US who try to prevent hair loss by using ice caps during chemotherapy. Apparently by reducing blood flow to the scalp, this limits chemotherapy exposure to hair follicles. The thing is, it hurts like mad?!! Imagine having a block of ice on your head 24/7. But by doing this, there is also a concern that this reduces the effectiveness of treatment in that area. If you ask me to choose, I'd rather have my head shaved than all the other nasty side-effects of chemotherapy like vomiting. 

Anyway, I also learnt about the importance of eyebrows and eyelashes... They are SO important to a face's structure omg. The photo that I posted above is considered the 'nicer' version. So here's me, with a few tiny strands of eyebrows, and zero eyelashes. And a shiny bald head. (At least the flush from the drugs gave my face abit of colour haha)

I'll be recuperating at home for the next couple of weeks. I'll update whenever I can! Today, Singapore lost our founding father Mr Lee Kuan Yew. He was a great man who built Singapore, a place I proudly call Home. May he always be remembered. Rest in peace!